Wow, OK, this is a huge one for Lumina, due to her ambivalence about being a victor. Her parents were leaders in a non-violent resistance movement that shared the goals of the other Dark Days rebels but condemned their methods. She was raised to believe in a pacifist philosophy (and really, is still pulled toward those ideas), but when it came time to make a 'statement' in the arena, she had an instinctual reaction separate from logical, reasoned beliefs. It took a lot of time out of the arena for her to reconcile herself to her own capacity for violence (and the job was never really quite done, tbh). For years, she continued to oppose any further rebellion; though this was mostly about practical applications (it seemed likely that the cost of war would be so high that they would risk annihilating themselves completely) she could never completely square the circle regarding the necessity of force and her fear of losing herself in violence (which she associates with irrationality and madness). Which is a long winded way of saying her biggest regret might be her own survival.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2016-09-17 09:27 pm (UTC)Wow, OK, this is a huge one for Lumina, due to her ambivalence about being a victor. Her parents were leaders in a non-violent resistance movement that shared the goals of the other Dark Days rebels but condemned their methods. She was raised to believe in a pacifist philosophy (and really, is still pulled toward those ideas), but when it came time to make a 'statement' in the arena, she had an instinctual reaction separate from logical, reasoned beliefs. It took a lot of time out of the arena for her to reconcile herself to her own capacity for violence (and the job was never really quite done, tbh). For years, she continued to oppose any further rebellion; though this was mostly about practical applications (it seemed likely that the cost of war would be so high that they would risk annihilating themselves completely) she could never completely square the circle regarding the necessity of force and her fear of losing herself in violence (which she associates with irrationality and madness). Which is a long winded way of saying her biggest regret might be her own survival.